Hey there everyone (Or the few that still follow my thread). It’s been a while. I was going through some seriously rough relationship times the last time I sat and decided to write down all the thoughts that were tumbling around my head. And I have some good news in terms of an update, Maybe not the good news some expected but, The relationship ended.
It’s strange to say that that’s a good thing but looking back over this year, the times and tribulations and my plummeting self esteeem, I realised that a lot of it was based on a stresful relationship with someone that would always put their needs above mine and cared very little whether their words or behaviours had a lasting affect on me. I cant pretend there weren’t good times in the relationship as well of course. I wouldn’t have stuck at it for so long if there wasnt. We had a lot in common, at times I found her inspiring, she made me laugh, and she had a great sense of adventure that made the world seem much bigger and more interesting. Despite all this, the relationship was always doomed because these things are fantastic and fun, but if someone you’re with just doesnt share the same moral values, or morals at all, then you’re never going to have a productive relationship. A fun one maybe , but not one that is good for you.
As has happened in previous relationships it came to light that I had been being lied to and my trusting nature was being abused. So while it was fun, it’s now done. And despite the heart ache, I know it’s for the best, I need far more from a relationship than I was ever going to get with Saskia.
So since then I decided to throw myself into making the most of my free times and trying new things. I’ve been snowboarding, wakeboarding, longboarding, I’ve travelled to the Lake district, Wales, Scotland and worked on photography. It’s been fun. I started to socialise more recently and have realised that since I decided I would take the rest of this year off dating (The last relationship seriously damaged my opnions of myself and of relationships so I’m waiting for that to settle before chatting to anyone else), anyway, I think that not looking for a relationship has lead far more people to chat to me and I’ve made new friends and had more interest shown towards me than I have in quite some time.
I go back to uni in a few weeks and I’m really looking forward to it, It’s a little unfortunate that my ex will be in the same department for my first few months but after that she will no doubt be running away to america and I’ll be left with a slightly less anxious walk to lectures.
I’m not sure why im writing this blog today. It had no real goal. I guess I just wanted to finalise the thread and say that the relationship is done. I’ve taken some time and let things process and at first that sucked because it felt like the more time went on the clearer it became that I’d been stupid for being lied to and deceived so badly, caught up in a relationship that never existed, lost in a World of my own making. But, I’ve got some fantastic people around me now and things are finally looking up 🙂